Emotional Questions for People With Strong Feelings Who Want To Practice Taking Them Less Personally
If you feel your feelings strongly, like I do, you’ve probably found yourself obsessed at times with trying to get rid of the less pleasant ones.
When people report being unable to stop thinking, I wonder what unfelt feelings might be fueling their rumination.
The questions we ask ourselves about our emotions matter — especially while we’re experiencing them.
Instinctual questions
When we feel stressed out, triggered, or overwhelmed, we usually ask:
Why do I feel this?
Who’s to blame?
How do I make it go away?
These questions can be useful, but they can also take us down time-wasting rabbit holes.
Counter-instinctual questions
The poet e.e. cummings observed,
“Always the beautiful answer who asks a more beautiful question.”
A mindful spin on this insight?
Often the more livable emotional response means asking a body-sensation-related question.
To explore it, pause the impulse to resolve the emotion and feel your responses to these sensory questions for a handful of seconds.
What do you feel? A specific description helps but isn’t required: anger, sadness, fear, embarrassment, icky, not sure…
Where do you feel it? Explore the shape and location of what you’re feeling.
How strongly? Is the feeling mild, moderate, or intense?
Is it static or dynamic? Notice if the flavor, location, or intensity stays the same or changes.
Mindful questions don’t preclude you from addressing what’s causing you to feel bad, but they can help you take your feelings less personally and respond to them more effectively.
There’s a huge difference between seeing yourself as an anxious person and realizing you’re just a person who is experiencing anxious feelings right now.
