How Being Habitually Curious About What You Feel Can Reduce Distress

A close friend’s mindfulness practice consists entirely of sneaking mindful awareness into his routine.

Near the beginning of the pandemic, he described a particularly challenging grocery shopping trip.

The store was small. Tension charged the atmosphere as people tried to avoid and ignore each other. He said it was like being in an episode of Black Mirror.

The long checkout lanes weren’t moving. He wasn’t even sure where to wait.

A frazzled clerk waved him over to the customer service desk but balked when she realized he had a full cart.

He felt frustrated, embarrassed, and wiped out.

Getting curious about the details.

Walking to his car, he tried to find any neutral or relaxed places in his body.

He assumed his level of frustration would make this task impossible.

Pleasantly surprised

Not only could he easily spot several comfortable sensations, but he wasn’t able to find any uncomfortable ones.

Any evidence of emotional pain he was experiencing in the parking lot was playing out in his mind — mostly in his internal chatter, what he imagined other shoppers were thinking, and how he might describe the experience.

Shifts happen

He told me the relief he felt was instant and tangible. His distress plummeted effortlessly. It didn’t make the errand pleasant, but it allowed him to realize the unpleasantness was already over.

Mindful habits don’t provide a magical exemption from discomfort.

When we practice them consistently — with or without meditation — we’re better prepared to lower our resistance to discomfort instead of unintentionally escalating it.

Often this means simply being willing to pause and feel what’s actually playing out in real-time.