Completely out of my comfort zone

Dr. Kalyn Jolivette and I have been checking in periodically to identify practical ways to sneak mindfulness into her routine. As a hospital physician, her schedule can be intense and varied. She’s consistently required to be fully on for several days in a row. On her days off, she says having physical challenges helps her get out of her mind — where her attention needs to be when she’s working — and into her body, so she can recover and build her strength back up.

She’s been applying the insights she’s had about relating to the inevitable discomforts of distance running and triathlon training into her personal and professional life. We talk about the attentional skill of equanimity being relevant to both contexts. Rather than being about passively accepting situations, it’s about gradually changing the way we relate to real-time sensations. Some of those sensations — the raw, subjective components of difficult situations — can be super uncomfortable.

Nudging down her resistance to unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and body sensations when she’s running up a hill, for example, has her wondering how she might relax her internal grip when she’s addressing complex medical and communication obstacles. While the stakes can be high whether she’s alone or surrounded by colleagues and patients, impacting other people’s lives has a way of escalating the challenge level.

It’s empowering to experience when even subtle shifts in our resistance transform the way things play out in the present.

Kalyn recently took her exploration of mindfulness and equanimity off the ground recently and shared her field notes with me. She gave me permission to share them with you.

While not everyone will want to explore equanimity while falling through the sky, we all have our own version of turning toward what scares us sometimes. I’m a big fan of not waiting for life to pull the rug out from under us before realizing we can get more comfortable being uncomfortable. This is the point of silent meditation retreats, by the way. When we orchestrate our own triggers, we can control the duration and intensity levels. This isn’t the case when fate is calling the shots.

What are some ways you nudge yourself out of your comfort zone?

Photo: Jacob Henderson, Skydive Cincinnati

Skydiving and Mindfulness
by Kalyn Jolivette

I woke up a few weeks ago and had the inspiration to go sky diving. I have gone twice before, once in medical school and the other just prior to the pandemic. Initially, I had no idea why, but I hesitantly signed up after I got to work that morning. I thought maybe I just needed some more excitement in my life again, and I accepted that as my inspiration. That is what I always told myself before. Then over the following days, when I got nervous thinking about it, I again wondered why I was doing this. A lot of people also question why I would want to do this, which is a fair question. So, I dug a little deeper.

A lot of people think someone decides to skydive to chase an adrenaline rush. As this may be partially true, you must also wonder why people are craving that adrenaline rush in the first place. For me, it is usually at a point in my life where I am attempting to escape or find some clarity, feeling stuck or stagnant in my pursuits.

Life is so very messy! I have spent most of my life trying to control this messiness with all my imperfections. Recently I discovered that no matter how hard I try, it would bring me more anguish in my attempts to control it.

Everything is temporary and some things are just out of our control!

I thought that being happy meant working to never have a bad day, when in fact, being happy is more about learning to not let the inevitable bad days conquer you.

I discovered mindfulness and all the benefits it holds in all aspects of my life. For me, skydiving is one way to practice mindfulness. Maybe an extreme form, but a powerful one.

When heading to the drop zone, I get a sense of anxiety, sweaty palms, increased heart rate. I ruminate in my head if I am making the right decision.

No one is forcing me to do this! I am nervous and scared, trying to find some courage. I am completely out of my comfort zone at this point. I remember to take deep breaths, not attempting to control these feelings but learning to live in the moment with them. To be conscious and curious about them.

It is not that I have a lack of fear, I just have learned to have a relationship with it.

These feelings persist until about 10,000 feet and then they all dissipate. Now, I am fully in the present moment. I gain a new outlook, both figuratively and literally.

The door opens on the plane, it is so cold, extremely loud, and incredibly windy. I can barely force my body outside the door due to the turbulence. All this is amplified in my present focus.

Then we decide to take a leap of faith and we jump and leave everything behind. All the weight on my shoulders vanishes and I never feel lighter. Maybe because most things are out of my hands now, there is no looking back. I let everything go. I have no regrets.

Photo: Jacob Henderson, Skydive Cincinnati

Sixty seconds later, the parachute gets pulled and we float back to earth. Yes, a feeling of relief creeps back in at this point. I acknowledge it and feel grateful. Mindfulness is an excellent practice to improve concentration, mental clarity as well as gain equanimity. Equanimity refers to emotional calmness, composure, and balance in times of stress.

Equanimity is to see with patience, and to see without judgment. Once you learn to not take offenses personally, to not react without a pause, there will be more room for love and compassion.

I do not recommend sky diving to anyone who is not ready to take it on, but for me, it is so much more than the adrenaline rush. There are countless other ways to practice mindfulness, but it does require lifelong practice. Whether you incorporate it into your daily routines, or if you decide to step out of the box, the benefits include but are not limited to reduced stress, increased concentration, more patience, more resiliency, developing more meaningful relationships with yourself and others, and it can ultimately lead to self-acceptance and more compassion. It has helped me in my everyday life as well as at work.

So, here is to the present moment. May you all (including myself) find your clarity in life and keep striving to grow into the best versions of yourself. To have the strength to help others grow when able. To find your calmness in the storm. To not forget to take a moment to slow down and to not react quickly to your or other’s negative thoughts or judgments.

I am not saying to be passive or to not stand up for what you believe in, but to only give yourself the opportunity to acknowledge what you can control, so that you may use your energy to shine your brightest.

Get out of your comfort zone. I promise you great things on the horizon. Be here now.

Much Love and Gratitude, Kalyn